Myth or reality, more and more couples split with the baby’s arrival. Some psychologists also speak of baby clash to discuss this phenomenon …
Baby is born … and the couple separated because of baby clash!
The baby clash
The baby clash of course, becoming a parent is not easy. The usual romantic evenings sometimes take apocalyptic air, when you have to get up 10 times, the conversations are interspersed with tears and cries, that the bed of lovers becomes the bed of the whole family … So much so that these changes can endanger the couple! Certainly, if you look closely statistics, it is relative. There are actually more and more single-parent families (+ 25% between 1990 and 1999), but separation occurs most often when the children are grown. Nevertheless, about 10% of children under two years living with only one parent 1.
But however difficult to conclude a baby clash. For many of these babies would not have known the separation of their parents, according to figures from the Research, Studies, Evaluation and Statistics 2, 7.4% of women are alone at the time of birth of their child (or they have a baby “all alone”, or they have experienced a separation during pregnancy). But for Dr. Bernard Geberowicz, co-author of the Table clash, this phenomenon is real: “20 to 25% of couples separate in the first months after the baby is born and this figure is constantly growing.” .
A delicate balance
However, what may be the causes of separation just after birth, while a happy event should instead bring the spouses? As Bernard Geberowicz, “the baby’s arrival causes a crisis, it changes the balance of the couple. But this does not necessarily lead to a separation. Instead, it can be positive …”. But baby can act as a catalysis, reveal or exacerbate existing problems. Besides, the idea of a baby to reunite the couple is often an initiative doomed to failure … Better fix problems before!
For Dr. Geberowicz, another factor is causing the baby clash: make babies more later. Because today the average age of first child is thirty years in France: “The parents, especially women, have more responsibilities and things to manage with age, both professionally and personally and socially “. Baby Arrival is among these priorities. The voltages thus likely to be more strong. “And today, as soon as a problem arises within the couple, it is believed more easily to separation as a solution,” said Dr. Geberowicz.
Managing the crisis
So how to make sure the baby’s arrival will not put the couple in question? “Do not imagine that nothing will change with the arrival of baby! This one will change the balance, and rightly so. The thing is to know and prepare” warns Dr. Geberowicz. It is clear that when baby arrives, it becomes the center of the world! We must admit that at first torque is a little behind. Do not fight against and agree to limit the time allowed to the couple, and learn to evolve. As emphasized Dr. Geberowicz, “problems can occur if both spouses are not at the same pace, if one has the impression that the other takes care of the baby more and feels helpless.” In this case, do not hesitate to talk to the spouse. The dialogue is essential.
And if, despite all these precautions, the couple separated, careful not to shift the guilt to the child! Because in many cases of rupture, the toddler is the first victim in conflicts, it is attacked by the parents. He may feel guilty later the situation. “Of course, do not tell him,” you’re not responsible, “this is the best way to him that in mind. It’s best to just explain the situation to him and answer his questions” said Dr. Geberowicz.
Here are a set of books that written by Dr. Geberowicz